At my last Couples Retreat in Bali I made the comment to some participants that I don't feel like a woman, I feel like a human in a female body. The shocked reaction came back: "But you're so womanly, you're gorgeous, the epitome of being female, a veritable goddess!"

Which I have to say was definitely very flattering, if a little excessive!

But actually I believe the reason I come across as so "womanly" is that I have balanced my yin and yang, my masculine and feminine, within myself. I simply feel 'human' and then I inhabit a female body. And I have to say I love having a female body! But you know, if I had a male body, I'm not sure I'd feel that different, and I'm sure I'd love having a male body. Because being human and having a body is a pretty cool thing when you think about it. Miraculous actually.

So much of my work with people is to find that internal balance. Our journey in life is in large part to develop those sides of ourselves that have been stunted (eg men not in touch with their vulnerable side, or women not in touch with their powerful side) so that we can become more whole within ourselves.

There is a school of sexual thought, particularly in the more Tantric circles, that there has to be a polarization between a man and a women for transcendent sexual experiences. I disagree. The polarity doesn't come from having different chromosomes, it comes from the interplay of yin and yang, the leading and following, the giving and receiving, and the transcendence comes from the meeting of two open, vulnerable, authentic human beings.

This is why in my Tantra-based couples retreats I welcome same sex couples, because it's not about your genitals, it's about your ability to be mindfully embodied as an individual and to create resonance between you as a couple.