The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#303: The Art of the Thrust

- Sunday, September 20, 2020

Men can have a bit of a jack-hammer approach to thrusting, lots of tension and tightness, which can be ok if you’re focusing on friction to gain arousal rather than feeling. To move into deeper, more connected love-making you’ll need to master a broader repertoire of thrusts. 

It's not just the men though. Intercourse is not simply a man thrusting into a passive partner. She needs to be engaged in her pelvis and moving with the motion too. Ideally you're moving in a harmonic unison. So these points, while directed to men, apply to the woman too. (And apologies for being so heterocentric, it applies whenever there is a penis or phallic object moving in and out of a partner.)

Important Point #1: Relax your hips

Keep your pelvic area relaxed, hips, buttocks, belly. You’ll feel more, you’ll have more control over your movements, you’ll be more sensitive to how your partner's body is responding, and you’ll move more freely and smoothly.

Important Point #2: Focus on the Out as much as the In

Rather than focusing on the in-in-in-in, which gives a jerky intense feel to the thrust, focus on the out as much as the in. This gives a more sensual flowing feel to the thrust. 

It also means that rather than your partner bracing herself against the constant influx of thrusts, she too gets into a flowing rhythm of welcoming in the thrust, engaging with it and then releasing with the outward movement. It keeps a dynamic of wanting and receiving going that maintains high states of arousal for long periods of time.

Important Point #3: Vary the Rhythm

Think of your thrusting like music – you don’t want it to be constant intense thrash metal! Nor do you want it to be a constant lead-up to a grand crescendo. Like good music, a good session of love-making will be varied, periods of intensity interspersed with gentler movements.

Important Point #4: Vary the Stroke

It’s not all deep thrusting in and out. Sometimes you’ll just thrust shallowly with the head of your penis at the entry of her vagina. Sometimes you’ll be all the way in and thrust shallowly, only moving a little. Sometimes you’ll intersperse shallow thrusts with deep thrusts – try a rhythm five shallow to one deep. Sometimes you’ll thrust slowly in bit by bit, deeper and deeper. Sometimes you might want to thrust more to the sides than straight in, or you might try circles or more of a grinding effect.

Important Point #5: Bang with your Body not your Penis

To give the sense of banging hard, which can feel really good for the woman if she’s in the mood for it, rather than poking hard with your penis, swing in with your hips with your body weight behind it. When done well (and check in with her to know this) this will give a wave of pleasure throughout her body.

Important Point #5: Manage Your Arousal

When you master the art of the thrust you can last for ages. The relaxed swing of the thrust allows you to manage your arousal levels, keeping you at a heightened state without tipping over into ejaculation. If you feel yourself getting too close to the edge, change the nature of the thrust, slowing down, moving less, pausing, changing position.

Thrusting in this way feels great for a woman and gives her the necessary stimulation to be able to enter into heightened states of arousal herself, having waves of orgasms that flood her whole body. 

It’s an art worth mastering! 


Listen to the audio version - the LoveLife Podcast!


Recent Posts

Earlier Posts



to LOVELIFE News for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!

For more great sex advice -
read my books!