The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#107: Explore Your Fantasies

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, November 17, 2014


What would you like to do sexually if you were brave enough to do it?

And, let’s be honest here, what would you like to do if you could be sure that it would be a wonderful experience and couldn’t possibly go terribly wrong?

There might also be that niggling thought of whether your fantasy is good/moral/healthy/won’t-send-me-straight-to-hell. Just for the sake of argument here, let’s go with the concept that any consensual activity between consenting living adult humans is ok. So if you want to do it and the person/people you’re doing it with want to do it too, then all good.

Now there might be problems if the person agreeable to engage in a fantasy with you is not your partner. That could preclude the fantasy, but not necessarily.

You see, the most important thing here is actually communicating what your fantasy is. Or if you don’t even know what your fantasy is or could be, finding enjoyable enlightening ways of talking about possibilities.

It takes good communication skills to be able to open up without fear of rejection or negativity on your partner’s part. That’s why I stress the importance of good communication, without it your sexual relationship will stay limited and most probably contract.

It doesn’t have to be heavy though, in fact it should be fun. Sex is play-time for grown-ups remember, and talking about it should be just as much fun.

So, you could read some erotica together, or watch erotic movies and talk about what you did and didn’t like about the content. If there are elements of mutual erotic interest, then you can have a chat about how you could introduce that kind of play into your own sexual play. Notice that I say ‘thatkindof play’, it doesn’t have to be identical. Often what we see or read about is more extreme than what we’d like to do ourselves, particularly if it’s a new, rather scary concept. So tone it down a bit. If the idea of sex in a restaurant gets you excited, it doesn’t mean you have to run down to your local cheap and cheerful Chinese and bare all. You might just play footsies under the table without knickers on. If you do want to go the whole way, you might want to research dark restaurants with private booths and discrete waiting staff…

The point is that you have to make it your own.

You can also play games with each other along the lines of spin the bottle, truth and dare, you tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine….

Or start telling an erotic story, then take it in turns to add to the story. It’s amazing what you can find out about each other when you play this game. At the very least you can have good giggle. Start with something like: “It was a dark stormy night when you walked in out of the cold carrying an unusual brown paper bag. You placed in front of me with a peculiar look in your eye and said….” And then your partner continues…

Keep in mind that not all fantasies have to be acted out. It might be a bit hard to get a whole football team to fit in the bedroom anyway. Not to mention that historical or sci-fi or other fantastical fantasies can’t be done. Just the sharing can be erotic fun though, and it can provide inspiration for more everyday loving….


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