The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#163: Toys for Grown-Ups

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, June 11, 2016

I’m always stressing that sex is playtime for grown-ups. Sex is about sharing pleasure. That means being creative and experimental and generally having fun with the whole thing.

One element of playtime is…toys! Yes, just as kids can play with toys, so can we grown-ups. It’s fun!

Occasionally people say to me, ‘But it’s unnatural to use sex toys’. Oh for heaven’s sake, so is using a toothbrush, but I’m sure you use one every day.

In fact I doubt sex toys are ‘unnatural’ at all, I’m sure they go back as long as humans have existed. One of the outstanding features of humans is our ability to be creative and devise tools and gadgets. Phallic shaped artefacts have been found all over the world from ancient times, and while the archeologists might call them ‘objects of worship’ or similar, I’m quite sure they had a more ‘practical’ use as well…

These days there are a huge number of toys available for us to play with:
  • There are various vibrators for clitoral stimulation, vibrators and dildos for internal stimulation (front and back-door, for him as well as her – if you’re up for it, and there’s absolutely no pressure there), cock-rings for his and her pleasure.

  • Then there are all sorts of lotions and potions and ticklers and other yummy things for sensual play (my favourite sex toy at the moment is candles that melt into massage oil – so warm and sensual!).

  • There are items to restrain your partner, from feathered handcuffs and silken blindfolds to some seriously hardcore chains and things.

  • There are dress-ups and costumes for role-plays and simply for sexy dressing (and un-dressing!)

  • And I’d include erotic literature too, because that can either inspire you in your sexual play, or become part of it – reading erotica aloud while your partner tries to distract you can be a lot of fun…

  • Using toys in your sexual play can free you up to be more playful, more expressive and through that to have a more connected and pleasurable experience.

    What type of toys you get is completely up to you. Go on-line and have a browse, that in itself can be a fun activity. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and your partner doing that. Remember always to take things lightly – it’s no different to browsing the smorgasbord at a restaurant.

    An on-line store I highly recommend is: Max Black - This is because this site (and also the store) is classy and tasteful and the products are top quality.

    What do I mean by classy, tasteful and top quality? Well, for a start, the aesthetics. Call me a snob, but I always say that if you can’t put your sex toy on your mantlepiece it’s too tacky.

    Just as important is the material they’re made from. Sex toys are supposed to enhance your life, so make sure they’re healthy – avoid any made with the plastic softener called phthalates, they’ve been found to cause cancer. (Phthlates have been banned in Australia in children’s toys, that same respect for health has not been extended to adult’s toys. Yet another example, I think, of the powers that be not taking sex seriously. Like not having sex therapy rebated on Medicare – ahh, but that’s another story and I’ll get off my soap box now.)

    So, get shopping, get creative and play!

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