The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#247: Be Real, Express Freely

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, December 29, 2018

There's a beautiful quote from Anais Nin:

There came a day when the flower realized that the pain of remaining tight in a bud was greater than the risk of opening up and blossoming. 

That's how people often feel about their sexuality before they come to see me. They can't bear being a tight bud any more, they can no longer deny their need to blossom. It's what I love in this work, whether it's with private clients or in the group workshops, people start to tap into their true selves and to allow themselves to be who they really are and express themselves honestly and openly.

Our sexuality is one area where many people aren’t open and honest and true to themselves. No matter how much personal development work they’ve done, if they’ve missed out this crucial part of themselves, then they’re never going to be whole and real.

You see, true sexual expression comes from a very deep part of ourselves, it’s probably the part of ourselves that is truer than any other part. Many people think our sexuality is part of our lower, animal side. I beg to disagree. I believe our sexuality is part of our higher human side, along with creativity and art and music and all those attributes of being human that come from higher evolution and bigger brain and more complex and meaningful existence. And just as it's important to tap into and express ourselves in those other areas of humanity, it’s also vital that we tap into the authenticity of our sexual selves.

This level of authenticity is tricky in a society that is juvenile in its approach to sex – more giggle and snicker than expression and growth.

So if you’re on this journey, if you want to grow and evolve sexually, you’ve got to get past all the myths and crap in society around sex. Get over the limiting beliefs and lack of permissions, toss out the “should”s and “shouldn’t”s. Get informed, get creative, and get transformed!

Again, this is tricky in a society that has so little real sex education and inspiring sexual information. So in my own little way I start the ripples that will become waves that will help turn our society into one where sex has its rightful place and people feel and express the love.

Getting back to my opening line, I see in clinic, in workshops and retreats, people opening up to possibility and realness. It’s so good. I love my work. I’m a small drop calling for sexual expression and sexual authenticity in an ocean of sexual repression and sexual distortion, but every little bit counts. And what counts is you.

The change starts with you.

Ponder deeply on that, then start to express yourself freely. Feel the love; feel the ecstasy; live the pleasure.


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