A friend asked me recently what my Top Ten Tips for a vagina would be. “Good question!” I thought. So many women feel disconnected from their genitals, and don’t have a good feeling about them. We don’t even have a decent word for them, often using the word “vagina” to apply to the whole genital area. So here I use the word “vagina” to apply to just the vagina, and as to the whole of the genitals? Well, read on!
2. Name It. For such an awesome part of the body, it’s incredible that we don’t have a decent name, other than “genitals”, which is a pretty ugly word. Even in casual talk there are not a lot of strong gorgeous names. We often refer to our “bits”, “down there”, “private parts” or “nether regions”. It’s hard to relate to an area of your body that you can’t even name! So give it a name: it’s my fanny or my quim, my yoni, qualia, bajingo, honey-pot, cinnabar crevasse…. Even my cunt, because originally the meaning of the word cunt was “to beguile a man with one’s feminine charms”, which is rather a wonderful concept.
3. Understand It. I think one of the reasons women don’t feel so good about their quim / farfalle / bajingo is because they don’t know how incredible it is. Women are built for extreme sexual pleasure! The anatomy, the physiology, the energetics. Once you understand that, and realise what your sexual potential is, then wow, you’re going to love it. Do you know how big your clitoris is? Most of it is on the inside! Do you know how much engorging material there is down there? How orgasms work? How you can go beyond normal orgasm to an orgasmic state? It’s all thanks to your amazing bajingo.
4. Incorporate It. It’s part of your body, so feel it as part of your body. Close your eyes and go over every part of it in your mind, both the inside and the outside. Explore it with your hands and fingers. Take a good look at it in the mirror. When you can recline in front of a mirror with legs wide apart and look and say to yourself “Mmm, that is gorgeous!”, then you’ll know it is part of you.
5. Pamper It. Our bodies love and deserve to be pampered. It’s so good for the soul. Your honey-pot is part of your body and deserves that pampering too. So if you’re in a hot bath, part your legs and allow the warmth to wash over it. If you’re in the ocean, part your legs and allow the salty sting of the water to caress it. When you apply creams to you body, slather yourself all over (no creams or oils on the inside though). When making love with your partner, request / invite / allow it to be touched / massaged / embraced.
6. Pleasure It. Our genitals are made for pleasure. The clitoris has no purpose at all, other than to provide exquisite pleasure. In fact it is the ONLY organ in the human body designed solely for pleasure! The mass of nerves, engorging material, lubricating and wetting functions, all conspire to show that our fannies are designed for pleasure. So do so. With another or on your own. Particularly on your own. The womanly art of self-pleasuring is so important to self-loving and self-honouring.
7. Listen to It. This is particularly in relation to having sex. One of the biggest problems I’ve noticed with people’s sex lives is that they move too fast. You have to listen to your body and in particular to your quim to know when you’re ready to move on. So you don’t start to kiss until your mouth is drawn to your partner’s. You don’t allow your breasts to be touched until you feel them lifting and moving towards your partner, wanting to be touched. You don’t allow your qualia to be touched until you feel your hips rising and your legs opening. And you don’t allow your partner to enter you until you feel your cinnabar crevasse yearning for his jade stalk, your yoni invites in his lingam, your cunt is dripping with desire for his cock.
If you’re not really feeling it, don’t go there!
Now some tips on keeping it in good shape:
8. Squeeze It. There’s a band of muscles that goes from your pubic bone to your tailbone and between your sit-bones. It’s important to keep them toned as they do some very important things. Firstly, they hold all your internal organs in place. If you don’t keep those muscles toned, your vagina might fall out when you get old. I kid you not, vaginal prolapse can happen to older women. Secondly, the contraction of these muscles is an important part of orgasm. The more toned the muscles, the better the orgasm. So ladies – squeeze! And squeeze some more! Imagine you’re stopping urine from flowing; those are the muscles to use. Squeeze rhythmically, then squeeze and hold a few seconds, then squeeze progressively tighter, keeping your abdominal muscles relaxed. And make sure you relax and release between each squeeze.
9. Rest It. Rest is such an important part of health and wellbeing. It applies to your vagina too. It’s good to give it a rest. Particularly during your period. In many traditional cultures women would take time out during their period to relax and rest, often with other women. This is not, as many anthropologists have interpreted it, because the women were considered “unclean”at that time, but because it was a sacred time for a woman to go within. We modern women would benefit from doing the same. Take it easy during your period, especially the heavier days. Avoid exerting yourself, be peaceful, and avoid genital stimulation, especially intercourse. Get into the rhythm of your cycle, be aware of the ebbs and flows of your energy and work with those flows, rather than ignoring them or fighting them.
10. Let it flow. Finally, on the topic of menstruation, let it flow. I do believe modern women try to hide to ignore and hide their cycles excessively. Tampons have their place, but if you let the blood flow, you’ll get more in touch with your body. So rest and let the blood flow during your period, and you’ll find more energy and more intuitive flow in the rest of your life.
To discover more about relaxing your vagina, and celebrating your female sexuality, enrol in my online women's course!
Or if you live in Australia, come along to my gorgeous women's weekend workshops!