The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#178: Big Sex is Beautiful Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, October 15, 2016

Just because all the media hype promotes thin people as being “sexier” doesn’t mean it’s true. Even if they were sexier, it doesn’t mean they have better sex than people with a bit more flesh on them.

I mean, do you prefer your lover built for comfort or for speed?

I remember a party I was at in my 20’s, talking to another woman who was a little on the plump side - rather voluptuous. She was bemoaning how unattractive she was and wishing she were thin like me: “Because men like thin women”. “Rubbish!” I replied – and went on to prove it by asking every young man in the room whose figure they preferred, hers or mine.

All but one (including my boyfriend) admitted they preferred her figure. She was astounded. She’d really believed the hype about thinness. It completely changed her attitude to herself in general and to her sexuality in particular. It gave her greater self-esteem. And that made her sexier.

Because when you think about what makes for sexiness and good sex – self-confidence is a major factor. If you think there’s something about you that’s not appealing, you’ll feel less sexy, and that means you will actually be less sexy.

Sexy is head stuff. Sexy is an idea that comes from your mind. How you feel is how you are.

It doesn’t matter what size you are. Full-figured, voluptuous people can be far more luscious than skinny twigs. All that flesh and softness and roundness – just like a juicy peach.

And in one of those weird paradoxes that life, and sexuality, is full of – if you feel you’re unattractive you’re less likely to have sex so you’ll feel less attractive which means you’ll have less sex, and so it goes. In contrast, if you feel reasonably confident and have sex, you’ll improve your self-esteem, which will make you feel more attractive and means you’ll have more sex and feel even better about yourself!

It’s your choice whether you buy into the media hype about sexy slimness and follow the negative feedback loop, or whether you tune into the luscious sexiness within you, regardless of your shape, and follow the positive feedback loop.

There might be a few positions that are trickier for a fuller figure – but you don’t need bells and whistles for great sex. Although having said that, fuller figured people can use any number of props and toys to add comfort and titillation to their sexual activities.

One problem I have heard from larger people is that they get tired more quickly. Well, that’s only a problem if you make it one – it can also be a great reason for interspersing more intense sexual activity with some long, slow, sensual activities. In fact, that’s what great sex is!

You’re only limited by your beliefs, and are as free as your imagination takes you. Whoever you are.

And for an added bonus, an active sex life helps keep you in shape. It mightn’t make you skinny – but it will help keep you fit, supple and toned, whatever your size.

So, what’s holding bigger people back from fabulous sex – being out of shape and low physical self-esteem? Well then – have some sex!

Big Sex is Beautiful Sex!!

(And if you're on the skinnier side – Skinny Sex Is Great Too! It’s All Great!)


Listen to the audio version - the LoveLife Podcast!


Recent Posts

Earlier Posts



to LOVELIFE News for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!

For more great sex advice -
read my books!