The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#141: ‘Invitation’ not ‘Penetration’

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, September 18, 2015

“Batten down the hatches! Prepare for penetration!!”

It’s not exactly how a woman wants to feel when in the throes of sexual pleasure.

For maximum pleasure we need to be accepting and welcoming, not tensing and preparing for combat. Yet the language we use around sex, encourages the latter not the former.

Penetration is such an aggressive term, implying force. So ‘penetrative sex’ sounds as though something has to be broken down to get through. If the focus is going to be on the penis, then we could term it ‘insertion sex’, which is less aggressive than ‘penetration’, or even better ‘entering sex’, which has no aggressive sound to it at all.

But why are we focusing on the masculine genitals anyway? The female genitals are equally important to sex!

What’s important from the female side? Certainly not ‘resistance’, which tends to be the response to ‘penetration’.

How about ‘invitation’? When the vagina is ready, she invites the penis in. On receiving the invitation, the penis accepts with appreciation and chivalrously makes his way in.

There is such a world of difference between a penis penetrating a vagina and a vagina inviting in a penis, even if the physical act appears the same. Emotionally and energetically they are poles apart.

Please don’t assume that just because I’m using the word invitation that the vagina only wants it gently. Oh no, she may well want to be ravished, to be taken with lust and vigour! It’s not what you do, but how you do it.

Invite and enter - then let the party get started! (No gate crashers please!)

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