The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#173: Giving Good Head Does Not Mean Simulating A Vacuum Cleaner

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, September 03, 2016

Yes, I know on the porn clips the women giving men oral sex appear to be applying an extraordinary amount of suction and vigorous attention to the penis, and the man appears to be enjoying it. But you know what - they’re actors. You don’t know if they’re actually enjoying it. That’s not what porn is, porn is designed to be visually stimulating, it’s supposed to be what looks arousing, not what actually is arousing. Never assume that what you see on porn feels good.

And yes, I know when a man masturbates he tends to stroke his shaft vigorously.

But your mouth is not a hand. Your mouth is completely different to a hand, not only in the way it holds a penis, but in the mechanism of how it moves. Your hand is attached to a very flexible wrist, which is attached to a very strong and mobile arm. Your mouth is part of your head, attached to a delicate and not very maneuverable neck.

It is not possible to use your mouth like a hand without doing severe damage to your neck. Let the porn stars get regular physio for their oral antics, it’s probably tax deductable anyway. It’s not for you.

So, if your intention in giving your man oral pleasure is actually pleasure and not performance, then let’s look at what really makes oral sex pleasurable for a penis.

Your mouth has lips and a tongue and cheeks. All those lips and tongue and cheeks can move, and in moving can stroke and caress and tantalize a penis in ways that your vagina can’t, and with a warmth and wetness that your hands lack. So use the warmth and wetness and movement of your lips and tongue and cheeks to give him pleasure. Some suction is good, but you don’t need any more than you would give a lollypop. Avoid using your teeth unless specifically requested to.

Most of the sensation in a penis is in the head, so you only need to put most of the oral focus on the head. Touch it and tease it with your lips, lick it and stroke it with your tongue - with laps and swirls and little tickle movements. Blow on it too.

Putting it into your mouth you can continue to use your tongue and add movement with your cheeks, as though you are massaging the shaft with your cheeks, rather than applying full suction.

Add to the stimulation by using your hands on the shaft of his penis while stimulating the head with your mouth. Use the other hand to stimulate his balls, or his anus (if he’s open to that - excuse the pun!) - or stroke other parts of his body while giving him oral: his nipples, his feet, his thighs, or anywhere really!

As to deep-throating, sure, do it if you want to. You can open up the back of your throat by making a yawning motion, which will enable you to bring his penis further into your throat. Unless you have a particular penchant for deep ramming, I’d suggest you do the odd deeper throat interspersed with much more shallower attention to the head and upper shaft, using your hands for the rest of the shaft.

Remember, you’re the one doing the giving here, you’re in charge. If you find the man is getting a bit physical and starting to thrust deeper than you’d like, hold his thighs with your hands so he can’t get in too far. If you’re not in a position to do that, then move!

You may have to train him in this approach. Some men have never had a head job that wasn’t mimicking a vacuum cleaner, so might be expecting the porn star approach. I’ve had plenty of feedback from people who’ve tried this approach that the man’s reaction tends to be along the lines of “Holy F! What are you doing?! Oh my god that feels good….”

So, tap into your feminine softness, take oh so delightful control of his member, and tantalise and torment him with previously unknown delights.

It will take him by very pleasant surprise...



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