Rest is a topic I could go on endlessly about. It’s so important for our mental and physical well being to rest properly and by “rest” I don’t mean vegetating in front of the TV for hours on end.

Rest is also essential for good sex. Good sex is an energizing experience, but if you’re too tired it won’t be good, if it exists at all.

So you have to find rhythm and flow in your life. On a daily, weekly, monthly, seasonal and yearly basis, you need to balance the intensity and busyness with rest and ease. Take a moment to check in on whether you have this rhythm in your life: where are you doing well, where do you need more? I’ve found in my work with people that this is one of the most important elements to be being able to find the temporal, mental and physical space to have a wonderful sex life.

I read a study once of peak tennis players. The researchers were trying to identify what made the subtle difference between the elite players and the champions. They studied diet and training and all sorts of variables. The only difference they could find was that the champions rested better! Even when they took those few minutes out between sets, they completely relaxed and allowed themselves to recharge.

It’s the same with sex. You need to be able to rest during the rest of life to be able to enjoy good sex. Even during the sex act I recommend you have that sense of ebb and flow, with intense phases interspersed with more restful periods. So sex becomes more like a picnic than a sprint. The odd intense quickie can be wonderful, but to immerse yourself into sex so you get into a state where it ebbs and flows and your creativity and play emerge naturally has got to be one of life’s greatest mysteries and treasures.