Download Audio: How to Avoid Spiritual Bypassing in Sex and Relationships
Sex within intimate relationships can be an extraordinary place to grow spiritually, to deepen in love, expand conscious awareness, to feel more peace, bliss, ease. But it’s also very easy to fall into what’s called spiritual bypassing, thinking that you’re becoming more spiritual but actually doing some or all of the following:
Which means you’re bypassing doing the psychological work you need to do to actually be able to develop spiritually.
I see a lot of this in my work, here are the most common examples:
- The worst case I’ve had was a woman who was repeatedly sexually assaulted by her guru while he was staying at her house during a visit.
- I’ve had clients who had seen so-called tantric goddesses who have traumatised their clients under the guise of sexual healing. One such case was a rather reserved man whose wife was complaining he wasn’t sensual enough. The woman did teach him some ways to breathe and embrace - then finished the session with a hand-job! This was a shock in the sudden turn from sensual to overtly sexual, and more importantly because it breached the marriage vows, causing problems for him and his relationship.
- Lots of clients who have been to spiritual and/or tantric workshops and retreats and come out traumatized by the psychologically unsafe practices, or who had a major opening without supportive follow-up to enable integration back into their lives, leaving them at best confused and at worst verging on the psychotic.
Truly joyful, spiritual sexuality can’t be forced or coerced. You can’t use it to achieve a state, it is an expression of a pre-existingstate. There’s no short-cut. It requires dedication and a lot of challenging personal and relational cultivation to get there, both psychological and spiritual. Not that you ever actually get ‘there’, there’s no destination, simply ongoing focus and openness - and the potential for a lot of great loving along the way!
*This list is from Spiritual Bypassing by Robert.A. Masters - a great book if you want to read more about the topic.
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