The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#227: The Adolescent Male Masturbatory Model of Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, March 10, 2018

For generations we raised our girl children to think they’re not sexual, that they shouldn’t be sexual, and if they were sexual - stoning or burning them to death or locking them away in insane asylums. Women didn’t have a chance to explore their sexuality, and neither did their partners.

So, with no alternative, when a man married he basically kept on doing with his wife what he’d been doing with himself for years - masturbating. Since puberty the adolescent boy had been stroking his penis as fast as he could until he ejaculated. So when he got a female partner, not knowing any better, he kept doing that inside her.

Essentially men were masturbating inside their wives.

So the standard approach has three parts:
  1.    Find yourself aroused - you have to be horny before you start
  2.    Stroke genitals rapidly - it's all about the shagging
  3.    Have an orgasm - we all know the 'rule' that sex ends when the man ejaculates - right?
I call this the Adolescent Male Masturbatory (AMM) Model of Sex.

It’s what we in the West have done for millennia.

Then, a mere few decades ago, we had the sexual revolution. Suddenly society decided that sex was good and that it was OK for women to want and enjoy sex. But, the only model we had was the AMM Model of sex. So now everyone was supposed to want and enjoy sex like a teenage boy masturbating: sudden onset of desire, rapid and intense genital activity, one orgasm at the end, generally accompanied by “naughty” and “sleazy” thoughts.

The problem is though, that most people don’t actually like sex like that. And even if they do, it’s very limited.

Unfortunately, with a lack of alternatives, our society has focused on the AMM Model:
• genital oriented,
• orgasm oriented,
• fantasy features that appeal to adolescent boys, such as pneumatic breasts and abnormally large penises,
• and it’s very youth-oriented.

And it’s total madness for women. In the space of a few decades we’ve gone from lack of sexual interest as being considered the norm for women, to ‘low libido’ being the biggest sexual ‘dysfunction’ of women. And we’ve got women limiting themselves to clitoral orgasms when the female potential is so much more than emulating the limitations of male orgasm. (Not to disregard clitoral orgasms, they are very fine things, but they are just a 'blip', a moment in time compared to what's possible...)

Even for men, as a man matures, his skills as a lover should far exceed the limited thrusts of a penis. Yet men take little blue pills by the bucket load so as to have erections like a young man, without realising that there’s so much more to sex than a hard cock.

When adult men and women realise what their sexual potential is, there’s no way they’d want to limit themselves to the genital fumblings of ‘normal’ (AMM) sex.

There is some acknowledgement that women don’t orgasm the same way as the ‘normal’ male, so now we have the Chivalrous AMM Model of Sex. That is, give her an orgasm first, and then continue with the standard procedure. There’s still an expectation that they’ll both be horny first, the genitals are the focus, the orgasm is the main event, and it’s all over when he comes.


It’s time we moved on from this limited view of sex and sexuality. I believe that society is shifting, that people are starting to realise that there’s got to be more to sex than this, that sex is not some brief act of friction between genitals for a momentary climax at the end.

That’s why people are exploring the sensual, the spiritual, the playful, the 'wicked', the energetic aspects of sex. There is so much more to sex than mutual masturbation.

Our human sexual potential is an awesome thing, every human’s birth right and definitely worth exploring.



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