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#42: Erotica or Sleaze

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, November 21, 2011

What is the difference between erotic and sleazy or sordid? What is the difference between when something is positive and life-enhancing sexually and when it’s not, when it detracts from life?

I once had a conversation with my 18-year old son pointing out that telling ribald jokes in front of his 10-year old sister is not good. “Oh yeah, but Mum, you’ve got dildos in your office,” he replied, implying: ”You’re not one to talk”. I pointed out that the work I do is not about dildos per se, it’s about the energy and the emotion behind its use. So you can take a dildo and turn it into something really smutty and disgusting, something that makes the users feel bad about themselves and sex in general, or you can use it a way which makes them feel good about themselves and sex.

I think this is really important, because we're so mired in the Male Adolescent Masturbatory Attitude which prevails in our society. Because we’ve suppressed sex for so long, the type of sex that has grown from the 1970s is based on an immature form of male sexuality, which is much more about overt sleaze and less about the internal erotic.

To me, the erotic is something that is deeply moving. It moves you from within; it’s something that turns you on, makes you desire sex, desire love-making - something that makes you want to open to your partner. The erotic is something that takes you places. This is only possible if it comes from a very positive place, if the emotions and feelings that it generates are deep.

Eroticism is not about limiting sexuality; it’s solely about positive sexually. If that eroticism is simple, great; if it’s wild and wicked, great! The only question is: what is the impact on you as a person, on your personal growth and your relationship growth? Is it something that enhances life?

Don’t avoid or cut things out because you think that they’re bad. It’s not the act that’s bad, only where it’s coming from that might be bad. BDSM, anal sex, same sex, insert-your-choice-of-wrong-sex-even-when-it’s-between-consenting-informed-adults-sex can all come from very positive places - just as mainstream under-the-covers sex can be really awful if it’s not generating something good. Obligation sex of any kind falls into the bad category.

It’s so important to tap into our eroticism and allow ourselves to become free and open up to the sublime potential of our sexuality.


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