The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#48: We All Need To Be Balanced in Our Masculine and Feminine Sides

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, March 12, 2012

I received a passionate response from a man in relation to my recent blog post: “Feminine Receptivity and the Go-Getter Kind of Girl”:

"... "And importantly, they don’t ‘do’ anything to catch a man, rather they allow him to prove himself. A woman who is truly in her feminine knows her value and worth, she’s no eager beaver..." And yet a man presumably cannot just know his own value and worth and let women prove themselves to him? Sorry, you do write wonderful articles, but I think I might be saying something that all men feel these days, but don't know how to express.”

He makes a good point, and I agree. That blog was written in response to a specific question about whether strong successful women can be feminine, so was written focusing on women. Let me look at the situation from both points of view.

For so long our society has devalued the feminine and lauded the masculine. Which meant that for centuries we had an overly dominant masculine, one that was very patriarchal, all about control and dominance; and we had an overly weak feminine, one that was pathetic, weak and dependent.

With the social changes of the 1970s women rightly declared that they were sick of being second-class citizens, they declared they were as good as men and set out to prove that they could be just like men.

This gained women more social equality, which is good, but it did nothing to raise the value of the feminine. What happened was that women bought into the existing patriarchal paradigm of dominant masculine and weak feminine and became like dominant - or more accurately, domineering - men. There was no raising of the value of the feminine, no strengthening of the feminine within women, so that men and women could be equal but different. It became “equal and same” and yet the masculine was still dominant.

Fortunately there has been a realisation that this situation is neither balanced nor healthy:
  • It is confusing for people.
  • It does not allow for positive relationships between men and women.
  • It does not allow the beautiful complementarity between the sexes.
  • It enhances the “battle” of the sexes.
Men struggle with this and women struggle with this. Women tend to be either in the dysfunctional masculine role of dominance and feel they have to be cold hard bitches who look down on men and play games with them, or they’re still in the old paradigm of being “feminine” and therefore being weak and pathetic. Men are struggling with being masculine; knowing that the dominant macho approach is unacceptable, so often they retreat into a weak “feminine” role.

Both sexes are confused. Women don’t know how to feel and express their femininity in a strong and powerful way, and men don’t know how to express their masculinity in a strong and powerful way. My work is about enabling people to get to this state of empowerment.

When a woman is balanced in her masculine and feminine, she isn’t a hard bitch scaring the men off, nor is she an eager beaver wanting to please any man just so he will like her. She will be open and receptive to men’s interest without feeling a need to be either disdainful or needy. She’ll take her time to let him show who he is, to see if there is a connection, and once she knows there is a connection, she will know that he is worthy to be chosen by her, only then she will go with him.

When a man is is balanced in his masculine and feminine, he won’t feel he needs to be a macho man who plays with women and uses them, nor will he be a eager beaver, happy to go along with any woman who shows the slightest inkling of interest in him. He will approach a woman with strength and honesty, no game playing, taking his time to get to know her and establish a connection between them. If there is a connection, he will “choose” her and he will want to know that she is choosing him. No game-playing, no neediness, just two equals meeting and allowing each other to connect, and if there is connection, then to take it further.

That is why a man who has a well-rounded masculine will want a choosy woman, a woman who feels he is worthy of her, because that is a woman who is worthy of him.


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