The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#72: Know Your Sexual Rhythm

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, April 15, 2013

How often do you like to have sex? Are you into a daily morning quickie, or are you happy to wait for weeks until the perfect time arises and you can have hours of quality love-making? Do you like to have sex at fairly regularly spaced intervals, or do you tend to have a few sessions close together and then you’re done for a while?

Or don’t you know?

It does help to know what your natural rhythm is. We often talk about two people in a relationship having mismatched libidos because one wants it more than the other. That’s natural and pretty well inevitable, and the couple need to work with it. Your sexual rhythm is important too...

I know that I, for example, am more of a few good sessions and then I’m done for some time kind of a person, whereas my partner is more of a regular type. I like to have a few good sessions over a few days and then I'm good for a week or more, at which point I get desirous again and want it a few more times, then a break. That’s my cycle. My partner on the other hand gets antsy if he goes more than two or three days without.

So that’s something that we have to work with, as do you with your unique situation. Just to share a bit more about me as illustration, once my partner realised that it was never going to be a long-term drought, and that when it’s on it’s really really good, he could relax into the drier spells knowing that the rain was on it’s way! (And which stopped him being fretful about it, which had made me less desirous and so the breaks longer!)

That’s me though, I’m into quality not quantity. I’m the same with food, I’d rather go hungry than eat bad food, and I won’t even consider bad sex. Personally, I can cope without sex when I’m feeling sated and there’s not the opportunity for the equivalent of a gourmet repast. But my partner’s not the same, so I’ve learned to have quality snuggles, simple sex, in-between.

I’ve shared a lot of personal information here, just so you can see how one couple work with their different sexual cycles to mutual benefit.

Other couples I’ve worked with have:
  • learned to have lots of sex during her horny mid-month week, and avoid sex in her monstrous pre-menstrual week;
  • learned to have more sex in the evenings when she’s in the mood so that he’s not ravenously hungry for sex every morning at 5am when she’d rather be asleep;
  • studied his or her variable work shifts to identify good opportunities for love-making in advance;
  • learned to have sex before dinner after they get back from the gym, when they’re both feeling aroused and before they get too tired;
  • started having sex earlier in the evening as one has to get up very early, so the night owl gets up after sex to do other things leaving their partner to sleep.
Get in touch with your sexual cycle, and then get open and creative together, figuring out how to work with your cycles for maximum mutual pleasure.


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