The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#234: Allow Self-Indulgence

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, June 10, 2018

One of the absolute keys to good sex is the ability to let go, to surrender to the experience.

I'm going to speak directly to female readers here, because I find that women have more trouble in this area. Yet it’s actually more important that the woman let go for the couple to be able to reach heightened states of arousal and pleasure.

Essentially what women need to do is allow for self-indulgence.

Now there are some ‘precious princesses’ out there who are all about self-indulgence: me, me, me. I'm not talking about them. I’m talking about all those women I see in my clinic and at workshops and in the street and in the school playground, etc, who can’t allow themselves to indulge. Especially sexually.

Sex as letting go, opening up, being real, requires self-indulgence. As a woman it requires you to open to the experience, to allow pleasure, wonder and ecstasy.

Yet so many women hold themselves back from experiencing this pleasure. So many women hold back from allowing themselves the indulgence of engaging and receiving pleasure.

Which is such a shame! Because the more a woman lets herself go in this way, the more pleasure there is for her, and therefore the more pleasure there is for her partner.

This is a completely different approach to the ‘sex as stress relief’ or ‘sex as performance’ or ‘sex as duty’ approaches to sex that are so common. This is ‘sex as letting go’, ‘sex as indulgence and heightened states of ecstasy’. This is truly good loving.

If as a woman you have trouble letting go to this extent, if you can’t allow yourself this indulgence, ask yourself why:
  • Is it that you have blocks to pleasure?
  • Is it that you have false beliefs about the purpose of sex?
  • Are you buying into false beliefs about the roles of men and women in sex?
  • Do you not really trust your partner enough?
  • Do you not trust yourself enough?
If you do want to open up more to self-indulgence and allow for sexual pleasure, then please come and see me for private sessions, or attend my Luscious Woman Workshop or do my women's online course.

We’ll get you indulging again. You deserve it!


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