The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#138: Awaken Your Vagina for the Kind of Sex All Women (and their Partners) Deserve

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, August 28, 2015

Would you like your vagina to be exquisitely sensitive, alive to nuance and sensation and responsive to ecstatic subtleties? Then you need to wake her up!

Unfortunately our focus in this society on the harder side of sex, the “peaks” rather than the “valleys” of sex, means that many women have “hardened" their vaginas. The focus on the “bigger, harder, faster”, rather than the “slower, softer, subtler”, means that many women have lost the ability to sense subtlety and softness through the walls of their vaginas. If your vagina can’t feel, then you either need increasingly more intense stimulation, or you forget about the vagina and focus on the clitoris as your primary sexual organ, or you give up on intercourse altogether because it just doesn’t feel like much. 

When your vagina is awake though, it becomes so sensitive in the most delightful of ways! It becomes highly receptive and attuned to subtle energies and exquisite variations of sensation.

This is very different to the intense thrusting most of us view as good sex (although as I always stress, I’ve got nothing against a good shag, just that it’s only one aspect of good sex!).

To wake your vagina up, you need to spend time being purely receptive. The easiest way to do this is to have some lovely non-genital foreplay (especially kissing) with your partner so you’re feeling connected and yummy together. Then you lie back and relax and allow him to touch your body and your genitals, gently, tenderly and softly. Then when you really want to invite him inside you, only then you allow his penis in.

Have a sense of “enveloping” his penis, feeling that you are embracing it with your vagina. Although you are receptive, you are not passive; energetically your vagina is awake and attuned.

With his penis fully inside you, really feel it. Let him hold it still for a while, even for some minutes, then move very slowly and gently. If he’s having trouble being so slow himself, practice with you on top first, barely moving, then moving in slow little circles around and around. Relax and breathe to your belly. Feel what it’s like with and without eye contact. Try some gentle contractions with your vagina, giving his penis a gentle massage with the walls of your vagina. Notice how different parts of your vagina feel.

Then slowly build up to stronger thrusts, all the while being aware of how your vagina is feeling and responding.

For those of us more used to a “unisex" approach to sex, where you’re both “giving” to each other, rather than allowing one or the other to purely “receive”, then this approach might seem one-sided. Once you get used to it and have woken up your vagina, then you’ll understand why you need to approach it this way. The amazing sensations, and the orgasmic spaces you can go to with an awakened vagina engaging in “valley-style” sex, are just wonderful!

And guys, the sensation for your penis inside an awakened vagina is equally awesome.

To find out more about awakening your vagina, enrol in my online women's course!

Or if you live in Australia, come along to my gorgeous women's weekend workshops!


Listen to the audio version - the LoveLife Podcast!


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