The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#16: Valuing the Masculine

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, August 17, 2010

We undervalue the feminine principle in our society and I believe we get the masculine principle just as wrong.

Since we’ve had a few thousand years of not valuing the feminine, in place we’ve had an unnatural, overly arrogant masculine - a masculine principle that is more defined by the ability to dominate and control than one that is defined by true strength and openness.

So there has been a complete imbalance in society with a weak feminine principle and dominant masculine one. With the social changes that our society has undergone over the past few decades, many people are changing their attitudes and approaches to living. Nowadays many women have rejected the weak feminine and have instead adopted masculine traits without honouring and expressing their innate feminine power. And many men these days have also rejected the dominant and negative masculine, but are unfortunately instead are embracing an overly soft and, let’s face it, fairly insipid, Sensitive New Age Wimp energy.

So many people are confused by how they “should” be, and I believe this is because we have polarised the masculine and feminine so strongly. No woman wants to be a pathetic doormat, but is the only alternative to be an arrogant domineering male clone? No self-aware man wants to be a macho shit, but is the only alternative to be Sensitive New Age Wimp?

Not at all.

But it is only when we understand the masculine and feminine energies as equal complements, Yin and Yang, that we can embrace both of them within ourselves, and through that personal expression go on to actualize more balanced energies in our society.  Both  the “feminine” Yin and the “masculine” Yang are strong, both are soft, both protect, both nurture. But the essence of each is different. That is what every man and every woman has to find within himself or herself to become whole.

So many of my female clients complain that their man is not a man, and so many of my male clients confess that they don’t really know what it is to be a man. Well, whatever our gender, we need to have a balance of the yin and the yang, the masculine and the feminine. So for a man, yes, he can go off and fight dragons and save damsels in distress, but equally he will come home and honour his woman, write her poetry, bring her gifts and love and adore her. In this way she knows she can depend on him, yet he also opens himself to her, lets her inside. In doing this, he allows her to let go and show her real self too.

If he is too much the wimp, she’ll have to do the holding herself, and won’t be able to let go. If he’s too much the macho shit, she won’t be able to get inside him and they’ll stay disconnected.

There are variations of dynamics I see between men and women all the time. But once the man gets it, and the woman gets it, then magic starts happening.

Particularly sexually.


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