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Become a Blackbelt in the Bedroom!

Jacqueline Hellyer - Thursday, February 18, 2010

Why a “Blackbelt” in the Bedroom?

I'm about to launch seminars for Men Only called Blackbelt in the Bedroom. Obviously the title is catchy (what man wouldn’t want to be a blackbelt in the bedroom?) and that’s why I’m using it, but commericial cynicism aside, there are very good reasons why I’m chosen the term “blackbelt”.


For a start, I am a blackbelt in aikido, a second level blackbelt in fact (about to go third level when I decided to have babies instead). I’ve also studied judo and various kung-fus plus done workshops on many other styles of martial arts. It’s effectively where I got my energetic training, which I now apply to sexual relations and which has the same basis as the Tantric and Taoist approaches to sexuality.

To some people the concept of a martial artist is of an aggressive violent fighter. However, it’s completely the opposite. A true warrior is not some pyscho maniac, think more of the red indian brave, the knight of old, the samurai, Mel Gibson in Braveheart… A top martial artist is completely in control, centred and flowing with the energy of the encounter. Just what sex should be. He’s not in his head thinking about what’s going on, he’s completely connected to his opponent, completely absorbed in what’s going on. He’s not following set routines or patterns, he’s creatively moving with the energy of the encounter. He’s still when he needs to be, he’s active when he needs to be, he moves how and when he needs to, completely in the moment.

This is how sex should be. Unfortunately too many men are well down among the coloured belts. Since I’ve spent countless hours talking to men about their sex lives, and to their partners, and I'm the Men’s Health Magazine sex columnist, and I’ve done so much research into sex, from the scientific to the Tantric to kink, I’ve got a pretty good idea about what makes a man a Blackbelt in the Bedroom.

That is a man who embodies the Four ‘C’s: he’s connected, confident, creative and in control.

To get to that level, he needs to master the Five ‘S’s:

1) Self,

2) Study of Woman,

3) Seduction,

4) Skills and

5) Spice.

Those are in order of importance, and also in order of difficulty. Our society tends to focus on the last couple, techniques and props, but those are actually the least important. The most important is the knowledge of self, and the ability to be centred and able to take a step back to hold the space for the woman. The next is knowledge of woman, understanding her not just physically, but also psychologically and energetically, really understanding the differences between men and women and utilising those differences. Then there is the art of seduction, which is not just for new lovers, but is an on-going never-ending part of relationship. Then the sex skills come in, manual, oral and penile, and finally ways to spice up and expand your sexual repertoire.

Now that’s not all going to happen from one three-hour seminar! But it will help you along the way. It does take application. The master of any art, whether it’s a martial art or other sport, painting, cooking, woodwork, whatever, is completely dedicated. It’s the same with mastering the Art of Sex.



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