This piece of erotic fiction is the Creative Synthesis I wrote as part of the research dissertation for my Masters of Science degree in Consciousness,
Spirituality and Transpersonal Psychology. The research topic was: A Heuristic Inquiry into the Transformative Potential of Optimal Sexuality within
a Relational Context. You'll find reading this erotic fiction an easy and enjoyable way of getting across the findings - which is essentially the essence
of the overall approach in this blog...
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
#302: Transformational Erotica
#301: Sex As Embodied Mindfulness Practice
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read more#286: Meditate Your Way to Great Sex
To have great sex you need to be able to switch off and focus at the same time: switch off from the rest of the world and focus on what's happening
right here and right now. You need to be able to lose yourself into the experience.
One of the main reasons I hear that people have trouble getting in to sex or getting around to sex is that they can't switch off and become present
to the connection, so clearly this is a skill that modern people are in need of. Even if you are having decent sex, improving your ability to let go
and be present in the experience will make the sex better and better.
So how to learn that skill? Learn to meditate! The better you get at meditating, the easier it is for you to sink in to sex.
It’s that ability to ‘sink in’ to yourself, that deep, calm feeling that’s so good for sex. This is especially so for long-term partners, where the 'va-va-voom let’s-go-for-it-baby' approach, that you might have had in the early days, has waned. Well, let’s face it, when you’ve been... read more
#270: Optimal Sexuality: Reaching Your Sexual Potental
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read more#264: The Pleasure of A Soft Cock
There is so much pressure on penises. The poor things are supposed to rise to attention on command, stay hard for hours, only ejaculate when desired
- and if they can’t do that, then the sex is considered poor, he has 'failed'.
Nothing, and there’s plenty of pleasure to be had with one:
- It’s lovely and soft and malleable.
- It feels good for the man to have his soft cock handled.
- It’s easy for the woman to play with a soft cock with her hands or mouth.
- Intercourse can feel better with a softer cock, particularly anal sex.
- You can even have sex with a completely soft cock. It’s part of the subtle approach I encourage, where you simply join genitals, do nothing, and notice the ecstatic sensations that arise.
#262: You Can Make Love With Just a Kiss
I often say that all the dysfunctions we have around sex are more to do with society's dysfunctional model of sex, rather than the people
doing it. I've written elsewhere how the model of 'normal'
sex is based on solo masturbation rather than partnered love-making. This makes it structured and linear, with success measured by action and performance,
rather than being free-flowing and non-linear, with success measured by feeling and connectedness.
Since 'sex' is seen as having key KPIs of penis-in-vagina activity (god only knows what lesbians do) with requisite orgasms, all of which happens in
a set linear way, it means that out of fear/awkwardness/confusion/distaste people avoid any kind of love-making or even affection so as avoid what
they see as ‘sex’ - and then feel really bad about not having sex!
It’s a bit of a catch-22 type of situation.
As I pointed out to a client caught in this dilemma on her first visit recently: you can make love with just a kiss. When she returned on her next
visit she looked quite different.
“So how have the last two weeks been,” I asked, my standard first question.
#262: You Can Make Love With Just A Kiss
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read more#261: Finding the 'More' - the Spiritual Dimensions of Sex
So many people who come to me are wanting more from their sexuality, but are at a loss as to what that ‘more’ might be.
These people might already have done their own research or seen other professional helpers. They've made sure their genitals are functioning, have
given themselves permission to try different sexual activities, learned the importance of consent – and yes, these are all important parts of a healthy
sex life – yet something is still missing…
The answer to the ‘more’ in sex is not a doing more, it’s a being more.
It is about moving away from sex as an ‘act’ or a ‘performance’ and engaging with another with openness and transparency. Rather than ‘doing’ each
other or ‘getting each other off’, it’s about both surrendering to the experience. When two people engage in this way you are allowing yourself to
explore, express and be known at the deepest levels of your being.
- mindful, in that your mind is not distracted but is fully present;
- bodyful, in that you are completely embodied, experiencing fully through the whole of your physicality; and it becomes
- soulful, in that you discover... read more
#261: Finding the 'More' - the Spiritual Dimensions of Sex
Download Audio: Finding the 'More' - the Spiritual Dimensions of Sex
read more#243: Evolve with the Seven Elements of Sexuality
Over my years of clinical and academic involvement in sexuality (not to mention countless hours of personal ‘research’) I have identified seven underlying
elements to our sexuality.
These elements are all essential to having a strong, healthy, integrated sexuality. If you are weak in any of them, your sexuality will be out of balance.
These elements are also developmental, each element includes and transcends the ones before. If you jump ahead before you’ve developed and integrated
the earlier elements, that too will cause your sexuality to be out of balance.
One: Self-awareness
It all starts with you - having a positive sense of self, centred, confident, balanced in your yin and yang elements. (Of course, we are never ‘perfect’, but without a reasonable level of self-awareness and balance it is not possible to be able to engage with a partner in a healthy manner.)
I call this your ‘Lady’and ‘Gentleman’ sides, someone who is confident, centred and self-aware.
Two: Discernment
Once you've got the hang of yourself, you need take that forward and 'meet' your partner - with equality, assessing for worthiness, identifying boundaries, co-creating safety so you can then explore... read more
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