The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!

#119: Give Your Man Absolute Pleasure...Try Prostate Massage

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Prostate massage can be great for a man - great orgasms, better sex. You have to go in through the bum hole though, so it’s not for everyone. But if you’re game, it can feel fantastic.

Now, you don’t want to go “barreling down to the anus” (to misquote Monty Python), he needs to be warmed up to anal touch. Make sure he’s good and relaxed, you’ve got music playing, soft lighting, whatever makes him (and you as the massager) feel comfortable.

As the massager, you might like to wear a latex glove for cleanliness, or to reduce the ‘ick’ factor of putting your finger up someone’s bum, even if it is your beloved’s bum. (Let’s face it, an asshole can be a cute and endearing part of the anatomy, but it can be a little noisome on the inside).

Here’s how you do it:

  • Start with sensual touch of his whole body. Touch lovingly, slowly, with focus. Move firmly from ankles up his legs to his buttocks and give them a good massage. Rub across his sacrum to warm up the whole area.
  • Then ask him to roll on to his side, back or front.... read more

#93: When He's Lost Interest

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 15, 2014

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#93: When He’s Lost Interest

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Aren’t men supposed to be insatiable sex machines, always gagging for it, ready at the drop of a hat, incessantly harassing their poor female partner to satiate their voracious appetite?

If you believe that, and you’ve lost interest, then you’re going to think that something really bad is going on. Your partner might think so too, and might even blame herself: “If all other women are having to fight off their man, and mine isn’t even interested, then what’s wrong with me?”

Either that or your partner might think that there’s something wrong with you: “What kind of a man are you? Limp dick!” Which is hardly going to help the situation.

If you’re the man and you’ve lost interest, you too might blame yourself: “What’s wrong with me? Am I a real man?” Or you might blame your partner: “Give it a rest woman, can’t you tell I’m busy and stressed - you want me to provide for the family and service your needs? I’m not a stud animal.”

The simple fact though, is that men are simply human. Men get stressed and tired too, and quite often that affects their sexual desire.

So if... read more

#80: What Do Men Love Best About Sex?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, August 20, 2013

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#80: What Do Men Love Best About Sex?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, August 20, 2013

I’ve spoken to hundreds of heterosexual men at the most intimate levels about their sex lives. I always ask them what it is they love most about sex. And do you know what the answer is?

If you have an old-fashioned view of sex, that ‘men have their needs’ and that really they are just animalistic creatures who need to get their end in to get their rocks off then you’d probably say something like: having an orgasm.

But no. All the men, bar a couple of complete jerks, have told me that what they love best about sex is their partner’s pleasure. Yes: the more pleasure she has, the more pleasure he has...

This makes sense because women have greater potential for sexual response than men. Men are a bit limited in the sexual response area, especially if you think of sex as penis activity - penises can only last so long and can generally only have the one orgasm and then they’re done.

Women however can last and last. Women can really go places sexually. And when a woman goes places sexually, she takes her man along with her.

So it makes sense that men love to please sexually - they’re doing it for their own pleasure!
... read more

#78: The Awesomeness of Men Who are Present

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 23, 2013

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#78: The Awesomeness of Men Who Are Present

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, July 23, 2013

At my Black Belt in the Bedroom seminars I get the participating men to stand in a circle and and simply breathe, circulating their sexual energy around their bodies. Each time it is, simply, stunning. The only way to describe it is to use a rather old-fashioned and religious term: it is a State of Grace. With every group, the peace and presence manifested by these men is magnificent. If only their women could be there to experience it.

I love to stand in the middle of the circle and feel that gorgeous masculine energy. When I have a female assistant there, I invite her to stand in the circle to feel it too. Every woman who has done this has been amazed at the sensation.

Experiences like this confirm my purpose in the world to enable people to connect with themselves and through that with their partners, and through that ultimately to connect with everything.

On behalf of the women of the world, thanks guys! You’re awesome!

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#75: An Erection Does Not Have To Be Serviced

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Erections come and go. A penis is quite a variable creature. Sometimes it’s not erect when you want it to be, and other times it’s erect when you don’t want it to be.

I’ve written before about when it’s soft, even if you’d rather it were hard (The Pleasure of A Soft Cock). So what about the opposite: when it’s hard and you might not want it to be.

The main thing I want to say here is that an erect penis does not have to be serviced. Ladies, just because he’s erect, it doesn’t mean he has to have an orgasm. He might possibly like one, but that doesn’t mean he has to have one, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you have to drop everything and give him one.

I’m surprised at how many women think they have to do something with their partner’s erection, even if they don’t want to. The saddest thing about this is that it leads to avoidance behaviour - they avoid affection and intimacy for fear that their partner will become aroused, and then they will be expected to have sex.

That attitude is such a shame, because of course affection and intimacy can lead a man to have an erection.... read more

#75: An Erection Does Not Have To Be Serviced

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, June 11, 2013

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#74: "My Ejaculation Opens the Door to Deeper Orgasm"

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, May 27, 2013

 Photo by Collis from Pexels

In the Tantric and Taoist traditions it's often recommended that men should abstain from ejaculating, which is a challenging concept for modern men!

I believe it’s not about you should or shouldn’t, but how you orgasm. So here are some thoughts from a man who practices mindful love-making, and agrees with me that it's not what you do but how you do it.

“I find my orgasms to be very different from before, very meaningful. I feel grounded, very complete and even more connected during and after the ejaculation.

“Everything leading up to the orgasm - our interaction, the setting of the room, the approach to foreplay and all the stages, it doesn’t matter how long we make love for, at the point of orgasm it’s just completely different.

“Before, it was more a carnal thing, there wasn’t so much intimacy and connection. At the moment of orgasm I felt disconnected. It was a big release, then ‘I’m done.’

“Now at the point of ejaculation it’s like, ‘Hey!’ I come even closer. We’re even more connected. I feel: this is amazing, ‘Wow! This is a whole different level! I don't want to pull out, I don’t want to be disconnected... read more

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