Download Audio: Obligation Sex is Self-imposed Low Level Sexual Traumaread more
The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
There is a school of thought that says women should ‘just do it’. The implication being that sex really isn’t that important, it’s easy to lie there and get it over with - I guess the idea is that you can just plan the shopping list or something while he gets his necessary sexual release (as if he doesn’t have two hands available).
I find that approach abhorrent on so many levels. Most obviously, men don’t actually want obligation sex. Radical concept to some perhaps, but men actually want their partners to enjoy sex too. (Hmm, maybe men aren’t just animalist creatures wanting to get their end in?)
Less obviously, but more importantly: sex is not just sex. The vagina is exquisitely linked to a woman’s brain, her self-worth, her creativity, her joie de vivre. For her to feel good about herself and about life she needs to treat her vagina well.
A vagina that engages in gorgeous, desirable, satisfying love-making will make her owner feel wonderful. A vagina that engages in unwanted, unprepared sex (slapping on some lube is not preparation) will not make her owner feel good. The vagina is being subjected to low-level trauma and so the woman is... read more
Everyone has masculine and feminine in them. I prefer to use the terms Yin and Yang, as we have so much unhelpful meaning attached to the terms masculine and feminine. Well-developed people have a pretty good balance of both within themselves, they have both strength and softness, can protect and nurture. If we reject one, thinking the other is somehow better, we reject a major aspect of ourselves. When we reject our feminine side we become dominant and controlling, and when we reject our masculine side we become weak and dependent.
How can women embody this balance? How can we be empowered women, embracing our yin and our yang, our masculine and our feminine? A concept I share, which a lot of women have said has been very helpful to them, is to think of having our yin softness on the outside and yang strength on the inside. So you can trust your inner strength to allow the outer softness, your strength emanates out through softness. This is is so different to the way women had to be under the patriarchal systems that ruled for millenia, where women couldn't show their strength, and it's also different from what a lot of modern women do,... read more
Firstly, let me apologise on behalf of my profession that, in the early 21st century, we still don’t know how women’s bodies work! I find it appalling that there’s still debate over what’s in our vaginas and what effect touching various parts produces!
The urethral sponge is a spongy material that surrounds your urethra. As you become sexually excited the urethral sponge becomes engorged with blood. It’s the urethral sponge you can feel on the belly side of your vagina, and as you become excited it protrudes further into your vagina.
Many women, but not all, find that stimulation of the urethral sponge inside their vagina - i.e. stimulation of the belly side of their vagina - is highly stimulating. So... read more
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- #327: Pace Your Sexual Interactions
- #326: Fly on the Wall Friday - my new Video Series
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