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The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!
When your vagina is relaxed and receptive it becomes the most amazingly sensitive organ, capable of experiencing subtle energies and generating beautifully exquisite sensations. Unfortunately, as the standard model of sex is for vigorous thrusting into the vagina, our vaginas tend to become “hardened” to subtlety.
Also, because of the focus on the clitoris, the vagina can get neglected. To the extent that some people feel that the clitoris is the only important sex organ for a woman and that the vagina is simply a vessel for the man’s penis to enjoy. So most of the attention goes on to the clitoris, with strong stimulation there to the point of orgasm, followed by intercourse until he comes. The clitoris is very wonderful, of course! But so is the vagina. I’d like you to reclaim your vagina as the wonderful, sensitive organ that it can be.
- Make sure you are beautifully aroused: be in a lovely environment, take your time with non-genital connection (kissing, touch, hugging, eye gazing, etc.) to become aroused. You are aiming for a soft, warm arousal... read more
Taking a break together is always a good thing to do, helping you relax and rejuvenate and hopefully have some quality sexy time away from the stresses of everyday life.
So why would you add a couples retreat to your time away? What are the benefits to you of going to one of my LoveLife Couples Retreats?
Well, where do I start?! Feeling the love and connection in the group and seeing the couples blossom is an experience that’s hard to put into words.
But I’ll try...
I love the way science is reaffirming ancient wisdom in so many ways, particularly when it comes to sex. The Tantric approach is essentially good sex - connected, erotic, intimate. It’s about slowing down so that you’re in the chill zone, as good sex is not possible if you’re stressed; it’s about ‘syncing in to sink in’ as you can’t have good sex if you’re not connected; and it’s about being mindful, as you can’t have good sex if you’re not present to the experience.
In the retreats I explain the theory and present the practices in a way that is appropriate for contemporary... read more
There are many melting moments during quality sex.
Moments where there is a sense of melting:
- melting into relaxation,
- melting into bliss,
- melting away tension,
- melting into your partner,
- pelvic melting,
- abdominal melting,
- heart melting
- throat melting
- consciousness melting
This is slow sex. Or at least, starting out slow sex.
There is the melting of desire, the yearning, the opening up and into the other.
There is the melting when the genitals join. A release and relaxation in the pelvis as the vagina and penis sit together, in embrace.
There is a softening, a melting of the heart.
The tension drains away with the union. From the face, the throat, the chest, the abdomen.
Eyes meet and melt together.
Lips meet and melt with tenderness: sensing, tasting, touching.
Hands touch skin, melt. Limbs join, entwine, melt.
The joining together leads to motion, rhythm, the dance of bodies together. Merging, melting. Intensity and subtlety creating unique interplays of movement, sensation, feeling.
You know when you’re on track because you’ll feel a lightness, joy, ease (although it’s not always ‘easy’) - and a sense of alignment
with your purpose.
Live ‘La Vida Tantrika’ - the Tantric life!
The Tantric approach sees joy and pleasure as essential to spirituality. It’s about harnessing the power of pleasure without attachment to that pleasure, desire without craving; finding the spiritual in all aspects of life, really living life to the full.
To get there you need to let go of judgment and craving - these two biggies get in the way. You can’t be attached to ideas or desires.
Then you bring consciousness to every moment of life, living with gratitude, loving with open heart. It’s about appreciating the subtle, finding the ecstasy in the spaces in-between, as much as letting go to intensity and passion.
What’s this got to do with sex? Because sex is so important in life, until you bring it fully into your Vida Tantrika you’re not going to get anywhere spiritually. Having lower energies such as shame, guilt and craving attached to such a primary part of your self is inevitably going to hold you back.
I invite you take sex out... read more
Being a sex geek, I am both trained as a scientist yet explore areas more likely to be considered mystical - particularly in the area of sexual pleasure. I myself have ecstatic experiences and blissful states that are quite different and far more pleasurable than what is considered 'normal sex', and I have spoken with many people who also have them, and have helped many others discover these possibilities too.
I am not exaggerating when I say that 'normal' sex is to this type of sex what a fast food hamburger is to gourmet cooking (keeping in mind that sometimes a hamburger is just fine, and you don’t have to like fine food).
Historically it’s clear that we suppressed sexuality in the West, particularly female sexuality, so when sexual liberation came in the 1970s there was a lot we didn't know about sexuality and it's potential.
Scientifically I feel that scientific interest in sex has been so focused on reproduction and disease that there has been very little focus on sexual pleasure, let alone sexual bliss and ecstasy. It’s still mired in the values of the past... read more
I love to create beautiful experiences for people, to take them on journeys where they discover the magnificence of their sexuality, the beauty of their eroticism - and a deep opening into love.
I’m back from running another couple's retreat in the Blue Mountains and once again I am awed by the love that is expressed in these retreats. I know I’m blessed to regularly be ‘bathed’ in this energy as it is such a rare thing to experience in our society, where intimacy is so secretive and the public expression of sexuality tends to be coarse.
When you get a group of people together and create a safe space for them to be expressive, in a classy, clothes-on type of way, it’s magic! Sensuality,
connectedness, bliss, yumminess, all flow and merge into a superb melange that is essentially love.
Whether it’s a couples retreat where the participants are deepening the connection of their couple bubble; a women’s workshop where they are awakening to the beauty of their sexuality; or one of my regular Tantric Lounge gatherings where they take the plunge into a new discovery each time….it’s all about the love…
…and it’s so delicious!
The clients and retreat participants I see tend to be pretty together type of people with a mature attitude to life and relating. So I don’t get too many couples who want to stay flat-lining or locked in conflict. They want to grow and develop as individuals and as a couple and have the best life they can.
There are three ways of having a long-term relationship, or four, as the second type manifests in two ways which might appear to be diametrically opposed but are actually versions of the same dynamic:
This is when a couple play it safe. Too afraid to upset the other or too needy of validation from their partner, neither of them is game to be truly honest. Over time these relationships tend to become more and more limited and the couple grow ‘old’. Sometimes there is a power dynamic here, such as in the traditional patriarchal structure where the man had the power and the woman had to acquiesce. The key indicator here is that they want it to be ‘easy’ and ‘not rock the boat’.
These couples know they’re not happy and blame the other... read more
- #340: What Comes Before Consent
- #339: More than Sex-Positive, We Need to be Sex-Comfortable
- #338: Get Off the Hedonistic Treadmill!
- #337: You Can't Search for Love. It's Already There. You Can Only Remove the Barriers to Let It In
- #336: How to Communicate Complaints Effectively
- #335: Nurture Your Soul with Sex
- #334: How to Express Your Emotions Without Being "Emotional"
- #333: Q&A: We're Time Poor - How Do We Add Some Zing?
- #332: Be Conscious Not Complacent
- #331: It's OK to Disappoint Your Partner
- #330: Moans & Groans – why sound is good in sex and how to make more
- #329: Gateways to the Erotic Shift
- #328: Safety is Sexy
- #327: Pace Your Sexual Interactions
- #326: Fly on the Wall Friday - my new Video Series
to LOVELIFE News for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!