The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!


#294: Take Your Penis for a Walk!

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, May 17, 2020



Seriously. Yes, you read that correctly: guys, take your penis for a walk. No not on a leash (unless you’re a bit kinky!)

What do I mean by that rather absurd suggestion? I mean, get connected with your penis.

As you go out and about, be aware of your penis. As you feel the warmth of the sun, notice your penis feeling it too. When you savour your coffee, notice your penis savouring it too. When you observe the women around you and feel their feminine energy, have your penis feel it too. When you feel the power of swimming laps or going for a run or pumping weights, have your penis feel the power too. When you’re cheering your team on and getting excited at a goal, feel your penis cheering along. When you’re sharing a laugh with mates or at the movies, your penis laughs along with you. When you’re feeling thoughtful and reflective, your penis is meditative too.

It sounds strange, but the more you do this, the more connected you will become with your penis. Rather than it being an out of control creature with a mind of its own, it will become your partner in pleasure. You’ll be a team.... read more


#289: Q&A: My Husband Can't Keep an Erection, and He Smokes Lots of Marajuana

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, March 29, 2020

 From my column in Body+Soul

Question
: "My husband and I have been happily married for 10 years and recently he's wanted a lot more sex. At first I thought it was great, but he can't seem to keep his erection up and I can't help but feel disappointed. He's started smoking marijuana a lot more heavily lately - could this be to blame? What can I do?" 

Answer: There is so much pressure on penises. The poor things are supposed to rise to attention on command, stay hard for hours, only ejaculate when desired - and if they can’t do that, then the sex is considered poor, he has 'failed'. No wonder so many men suffer from performance anxiety!

As a society we’re adding to that pressure with all the porn that’s being watched, with endless footage of big hard cocks that appear to last for hours (never mind the reality that there are teams of women off set whose sole role is to keep the leads hard). And even on a more positive note, now that we quite rightly acknowledge the female partner’s right to pleasure, that can also add to pressure.

So, let’s take the pressure off your partner’s penis by looking at sex... read more



#264: The Pleasure of A Soft Cock

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, September 08, 2019

 

There is so much pressure on penises. The poor things are supposed to rise to attention on command, stay hard for hours, only ejaculate when desired - and if they can’t do that, then the sex is considered poor, he has 'failed'.

 But what’s so wrong about a soft cock?

 Nothing, and there’s plenty of pleasure to be had with one:
  • It’s lovely and soft and malleable. 

  • It feels good for the man to have his soft cock handled. 

  • It’s easy for the woman to play with a soft cock with her hands or mouth.
  • Intercourse can feel better with a softer cock, particularly anal sex. 

  • You can even have sex with a completely soft cock. It’s part of the subtle approach I encourage, where you simply join genitals, do nothing, and notice the ecstatic sensations that arise.
If the woman wants something hard and phallic inside and there’s no erection on hand to satisfy, well then, use your hands! Fingers have bones so they’re potentially always boners! Talented digital stimulation of the vagina is a wonderful thing. Or use toys - dexterous use of dildos and vibrators is a similarly excellent experience. Or check out the pantry... read more


#263: Make Every Stroke Count

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, August 25, 2019



A client of mine who'd done my Blackbelt in the Bedroom seminar for men said that afterwards he had the best sex ever. 

He said: “I applied everything you taught us. I made every stroke count. It was unbelievable!”

I was so proud of him! What he was doing was making love with focus, presence, deep connection, and of course, with love. In this way every nuance, every moment, every stroke was meaningful.

As he said, it was mind-blowing. Deep, connected, focused sex is truly awesome.

So take his advice: make every stroke count.



Learn what this man learned, enrol in my online course for men. Click on the banner below!


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#229: Penises - does size really matter?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, April 01, 2018

 

Penises come in all shapes and sizes, and all with the same intention in mind – to have great sex. But with all the variation, which penises are the most effective, and does size really matter?

To stimulate the vagina a penis needs to touch the sides, so girth is an important factor. Some penises are thick enough to fill most women, some are too thick for comfort, and a large proportion need deft handling to reach the good spots - not being thick enough to fill all around (although that also depends on the size of the vagina in question - there’s considerable variation in capacity and muscle tautness there too).

But never fear, if your girth is less than ideal, it’s more about how you wield your member than its size. So here are some tips for guys of all sizes:

Modest
Prove your skills as a lover before she gets to see your member. She’ll already be impressed and size won’t be a big issue. She’ll also be good and aroused, and a well-aroused vagina is a responsive vagina, so her muscles are more likely to naturally clamp around your penis, increasing sensation.

Your advantage in the penile... read more


#228: What To Do When He Can't Come

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, March 25, 2018



We often hear about women having trouble with orgasms, and generally with men it’s thought that they have the opposite problem, that they come too quickly. So when a man has trouble coming, or can’t come at all, he might feel that there’s something wrong with him. He can feel very alone.

But it’s actually very common for men not to come. It’s called Retarded or Delayed Ejaculation, and most men will encounter it at least sporadically in their lives. If it’s happening repeatedly though, it can be a problem. Particularly if the woman thinks it’s because he’s not attracted to her, or if they want to conceive.

The cause is generally stress-related and the situation gets worse when it causes Performance Anxiety, which exacerbates the inability to come in some men, and in other men can lead to losing erection or even coming too quickly. To make matters worse, if there’s additional anxiety caused by the partner’s negative response, then that creates a negative feedback loop, and the man ends up with anxiety about having Performance anxiety - Performance Anxiety Anxiety!

Not a good thing.

The thing is though, sex is not about orgasm. Too many people think that sex... read more


#227: The Adolescent Male Masturbatory Model of Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, March 11, 2018



For generations we raised our girl children to think they’re not sexual, that they shouldn’t be sexual, and if they were sexual - stoning or burning them to death or locking them away in insane asylums. Women didn’t have a chance to explore their sexuality, and neither did their partners.

So, with no alternative, when a man married he basically kept on doing with his wife what he’d been doing with himself for years - masturbating. Since puberty the adolescent boy had been stroking his penis as fast as he could until he ejaculated. So when he got a female partner, not knowing any better, he kept doing that inside her.

Essentially men were masturbating inside their wives.

So the standard approach has three parts:
  1.    Find yourself aroused - you have to be horny before you start
  2.    Stroke genitals rapidly - it's all about the shagging
  3.    Have an orgasm - we all know the 'rule' that sex ends when the man ejaculates - right?
I call this the Adolescent Male Masturbatory (AMM) Model of Sex.

It’s what we in the West have done for millennia.

... read more


#210: Penises Love A Soft Touch

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, September 17, 2017



Penises love a woman’s softness. Why then, do so many women feel they need to stimulate a man so hard?

A woman is not a masturbation machine, nor is she a vacuum cleaner. Yet so many women act like this in bed with a man.

If he really wants the intensity of a man from his partner, then tell him to explore his bisexual side! Seriously - bisexual men tell me that the pleasure of being with a man is in the intensity and hardness of the encounter.

The problem is that so many men have never even had their penises touched tenderly and softly.

Because men tend to be pretty intense when masturbating, some think that’s the only way to pleasure their penis, and so expect the same from their female partner. But once a man has experienced the sensation of tender stimulation of his penis (given with true erotic desire and connection), well, he won’t turn back. It’s a wonderful sensation.

Which is not to say that there aren’t times when you won’t want to bring in some vigor. Most of the time though, explore the gentler side -  hold and caress and stroke your man’s penis with intense softness and... read more


#208: The Best Thing A Father Can Do

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, September 03, 2017



My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this week. Congratulations Mum and Dad!

They’ve had a great relationship. It’s had its ups and downs of course, but they never flat-lined or became complacent. They maintained their zest for life. And as I often say: you’ve gotta love life to have a love life.

What I do want to talk about is how much my father loves my mother, and what a positive impact that has had on me. You see, as a girl, having a father who loves, respects and admires his wife, your mother, is the best thing possible for growing up with a positive self-image.

There is nothing better a man can do to ensure his daughters grow up with a positive self-image than to love their mother, with equality and respect

To the girl, her mother represents ‘woman’ and her father represents ‘man’, so when her father truly loves and respects her mother, she learns deep in her soul that ‘man’ loves ‘woman’, and therefore relating sexually becomes a positive and desirable thing.

So guys, for the sake of your daughters, love your partner. Then, no matter what challenges you have with the parenting, your... read more


#180: A Penis is for Connection, not Penetration

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, October 30, 2016



Think about electrical sockets. You have a masculine socket and a feminine socket. Bringing them together enables the energy to flow.

One socket is not more dominant than the other, one is not more important than the other, one does not have greater needs than the other. They are equally important, they have different but equal roles to play. The masculine socket enters the feminine socket; the feminine socket receives and holds the masculine socket. Then the energy can flow.

It’s the same with intercourse. It’s not about the penis penetrating a passive vagina. That is such an aggressive concept. It’s about the penis entering the vagina and the vagina accepting and holding the penis. The vagina needs and wants the penis as much as the penis needs and wants the vagina. Then, and only then, can the energy flow.

Different but equal. Different but complementary. Each needs the other, each matches the other, the combination makes the energy flow.

 

 
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