I had a client come to see me this morning. She opened up with: “I don’t want to be here as I know you are going to judge me.” She then confessed that she finds a work colleague attractive. And then went into a long, confused, fraught spiel about what it did or didn’t mean.
I didn’t judge her. I did help her figure out what was going on for her.
- No, you’re not a bad person if you find people other than your partner sexually attractive.
- No, you’re not being unfaithful if you find people other than your partner sexually attractive.
- No, it doesn’t mean there’s a problem with your relationship if you find people other than your partner sexually attractive.
It is totally normal and fine to have those feelings. The issue is what you do about them.
If you act on those feelings and are unfaithful to your partner then that is not good. That’s a problem. (Unless you have negotiated and agreed to a consensually non-monogamous relationship with your partner and this is within the parameters of what’s agreed to).
But what’s also not good is if you judge yourself. That’s feeding more negativity into what you are feeling and making the situation worse.
So, what to do?
- Accept the feeling. It’s actually a... read more