If you both happen to be feeling horny at the same time, great, have sex. But chances are you’re not always feeling horny at the same time. So, what do you do? Nothing?
So often couples come to me claiming ‘mismatched libidos’ when all that’s really happening is that they’re not both feeling horny at the same time. One is horny, the other isn’t. Too often the response to that situation is not to have sex, in fact not to have any intimacy at all. This becomes a big problem in the relationship, often resulting in power struggles between one who often feels spontaneously aroused and one who feels aroused less often and less spontaneously. And for many couples, neither of them feels spontaneously aroused, they’ve both “lost their mojo” – and so they aren’t having sex.
Actually, this is only a problem if you think that you have sex because you’re feeling horny, ie you are already aroused. This belief means that if you’re not feeling aroused you think you don’t want sex. So, people wait for the lust to descend…
Waiting…
waiting…
waiting…
Sigh. No lust. No sex.
But, if rather than waiting for lust to miraculously descend, you come together out of love, out of a desire... read more