I see a lot of male clients who watch a lot of porn, and one thing that strikes me about these men is that they are not very masculine.
A man who is mature in his masculinity is:
A man like this is able to make love in a way that they both have an amazing time.
I don’t have a problem with porn per se. People have always liked to watch other people having sex. The problem happens when porn becomes a substitute for real sex, or when it becomes considered normal sex, rather than just something that is visually titillating.
The heavy porn watchers have an immature masculinity.
Let’s look at how porn interferes with a man’s sexual growth:
1) Connection: Porn teaches men nothing about connection. A man is never going to learn how to connect deeply and intimately with his partner if porn is his main source of sexual information. Yet without connection a man will never be a great lover, not even a good lover, especially over the long term. Connection is absolutely at the basis of all good sex.
2) Confidence: Porn reduces men’s confidence sexually as the images portrayed are of men who are unnaturally well endowed, who can last for unnaturally extended periods of time, and who can cause extreme responses in their female partners without warm-up. So many men, particularly young ones, take porn’s fantasy portrayal of sex as “normal” and feel inadequate in comparison.
3) Contribution: Porn tends to portray the man as the recipient of ardent attention from females. Which might be a lovely fantasy, but women generally respond better to a man who contributes, than one who sits back and expects her to do all the work. The lazy male lover will never get the response from his woman that both of them deserve, and he’ll never learn how to evoke this response through watching porn.
4) Creativity: Porn does not teach creativity. Creativity has elements of subtlety that you will never see in porn. Being a visual and aural medium it tends to be in your face: bigger, harder, faster, louder, rather than softer, sensual, playful and exquisite. Creativity is not about learning a trick or a new position; it is far more subtle than that.
So given that porn reduces these four key elements of a man’s ability to be a great lover, that it generates in men an immature masculinity, is it any wonder than so many women are unsatisfied by their lovers, not wanting the third-rate sex their partners can offer them? And is it any wonder then that the men can stay trapped in that infantile sexuality and remain hooked on the screen where it’s so much easier, rather than becoming a better lover through experimentation, research and practice?
Porn is like the fast-food equivalent of sex, it’s easy, it’s immediate, and it’s all done for you - but ultimately it’s not truly satisfying, which can lead to a need for more and more in a futile, endless quest for the satisfaction that constantly eludes.
By all means, watch a bit of porn for the titillation, there’s nothing wrong with that - just don’t get hooked in and grow backwards!
is one of Australia’s foremost authorities on sex and relationships. Highly-qualified and with thousands of hours of experience Jacqueline
is a Sex Geek - unabashedly fascinated by sex, love and intimacy in all its aspects from the biological to the psychological to the spiritual.
Let her help you have the love life you’ve always wanted.
Jacqueline Hellyer Love to Live Pty Ltd
ABN: 50 223 819 352
The LoveLife Clinic 3/758 Darling Street
Rozelle NSW 2039
phone: 0418 505620
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