The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!


#295: Do You PIV or VEP When You Have Sex?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, May 31, 2020



How do you describe the act of intercourse? Do you call it ‘penetrative sex’? If you do, which wouldn’t be surprising as it’s such a common term, have you ever thought about what the word actually means and symbolises?

Penetration means ‘breaking through resistance’. Which might have applied to sex in the bad old days when a wife was supposed to just submit to her husband whether she wanted to or not, so it may well have been an act of breaking through resistance. But now, in 2020, do we really want to think of sex as an aggressive act?

Worse still, the term ‘penetrative sex’ gives agency to the ‘penetrator’ - the man - who does it to a resistant, or at least passive, recipient – the woman.

Is this really the concept of intercourse we want to be perpetrating these days – that it’s something done to a woman by a man? Of course not, yet we still use the term.

Now you might say it’s just a word and it’s not meant in that way. But words have power. Think of the difference between ‘penetrative sex’ and ‘invitational sex’ or ‘envelopment sex’. Don’t the last two terms feel softer, welcoming,... read more


#295: Do You PIV or VEP When You Have Sex?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, May 31, 2020

Download Audio: Do You PIV or VEP When You Have Sex?

read more


#293: It's Time to Let Our Souls Catch-Up

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, April 26, 2020



After a couple of really full and busy years, I had hoped 2020 would be slower-paced, but I wasn’t expecting it to be like this! With the bushfires at the start of the year there was no annual beach holiday to refresh and recuperate, so I thought a ‘stay-cation’ would be good as I could potter at home and get the house and garden looking good (when it wasn’t too smoky to go outside that is). And…I’m still pottering at home. The house and garden are looking amazing! I am fortunate than I can still get out of the house go to my clinic to see clients, mostly online.

It is interesting to see how clients are reacting to the pandemic restrictions. There are couples who are finding that spending more time together is solving their problems as what they mostly needed was more downtime together. Others are finding the forced time together is highlighting and exacerbating existing problems, bringing their troubles to the fore and forcing them to address them. Some single clients are withdrawing from the world while others are reaching out and finding that the longer ‘dating’ required at this time means they are forming better quality connections.

For me, at the start of the pandemic,... read more



#293: It's Time to Let Our Souls Catch-Up

Jacqueline Hellyer - Sunday, April 26, 2020

Download Audio: It's Time to Let Our Souls Catch-Up

read more


#288: Love in the Time of COVID-19

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, March 21, 2020

Download Audio: Love in the Time of COVID-19

read more


#286: Meditate Your Way to Great Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, March 07, 2020

Download Audio: Meditate Your Way to Great Sex

read more


#280: Get A Life! Your Sex Drive Needs the Dopamine

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, January 25, 2020

Download Audio: Get A Life! Your Sex Drive Needs the Dopamine

read more


#277: Q&A: How Do I Flex My New Found Interest in Sex?

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, December 21, 2019

Download Audio: Q&A: How Do I Flex My New Found Interest in Sex?

read more


#275: Q&A: Fun in the Sun - How to Have Safe Holiday Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, December 07, 2019

Download Audio: Q&A: Fun in the Sun - How to Have Safe Holiday Sex

read more


#274: Bake Your Cake Before You Ice It - the foundation of great sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Saturday, November 30, 2019

 Photo by Jill Wellington from Pexels

I love using food metaphors
when educating and inspiring people around sexuality. We understand the variety, the flavours, the processes and ingredients – from simple to complex - when it comes to food. So, it is with sex too.

One of my most important food analogies is that great sex is non-linear, more like a picnic than a three-course meal. More recently I wrote about ‘relationship vitamins’, all the little things that are needed to make a relationship strong and healthy and sexy.

Today I’d like to use the metaphor of a cake and icing (frosting for my North American readers). Icing is sweet and delicious, but on its own, it’s too sweet and is sickly rather than tasty. Icing is only good when it’s on a cake. When you have a delicious cake, and then you ice it – mmm, yummy scrummy!

When we’re talking about sex, what you’re actually doing is the icing. Everything that goes into yourselves individually and as a couple, is the cake. That’s who you are as a couple, your dynamic, how you approach and engage intimately and sexually.

I’ve developed a model, the... read more


1 2 3 4 5 .. 15

Listen to the audio version - the LoveLife Podcast!

the lovelife podcast








Search

Recent Posts

Earlier Posts



Tags



Subscribe

to LOVELIFE News for regular inspiration on sex, love and intimacy!



For more great sex advice -
read my books!