Foreplay is generally seen as what you do before you get to intercourse, to prepare yourselves (especially the woman) to be ready to receive “penetration” by the man. Intercourse is seen as a vigorous activity consisting of the man thrusting into the woman, or less frequently, the woman bouncing around on the man.



• Intercourse is the “main event” or “the whole point” of sex and that other activities simply lead-up to that “main event”

• Intercourse is such a vigorous activity that plenty of preparation is required



• Intercourse isn’t the main event, that it isn’t the whole point, that it’s just one of many elements and possibilities of sex and love-making
• Intercourse doesn’t have to be vigorous so it doesn’t necessarily require lots of preparation
• Intercourse can, in essence, be part of the foreplay.



Download Audio: Q&A: Is It Normal to Want Sex Twice A Day?

From my column in Body+Soul

Question: "Hoping you can shed some light. Two months ago I decided to end a wonderful relationship, due to my partner's desire to have sex twice a day. He told me this is normal for him, and that he had it like that in his last two long-term relationships. It all came to a head when he told me he wasn’t ready for us to live together and be defacto. I felt I was being sexually used, and called it quits. But we still love one another and talk regularly and have huge chemistry between us. Can you help me? Is it normal in your 50s to be wanting sex twice a day, and how can we find a compromise?"

Download Audio: Q&A: How Do I Meet My Sexual Needs in a Sexless Marriage

 

There is so much pressure on penises. The poor things are supposed to rise to attention on command, stay hard for hours, only ejaculate when desired - and if they can’t do that, then the sex is considered poor, he has 'failed'.

• It’s lovely and soft and malleable. 

• It feels good for the man to have his soft cock handled. 

• It’s easy for the woman to play with a soft cock with her hands or mouth.
• Intercourse can feel better with a softer cock, particularly anal sex. 

• You can even have sex with a completely soft cock. It’s part of the subtle approach I encourage, where you simply join genitals, do nothing, and notice the ecstatic sensations that arise.

Download Audio: You Can Make Love With Just A Kiss

Download Audio: How To Stay In Love

Download Audio: Simple Sex is Good Sex

I’m going to talk about solo sex.

That’s right, masturbation, wanking, self-pleasuring, or as they refer to it in the ancient Taoist sexual tracts, self-cultivation. Why is this? Because the ability to self-pleasure is an important aspect of sexual empowerment and sexual development.

Unfortunately, it has had a bad rap over recent centuries. It has been seen as something unpleasant, even sinful, and so done furtively and secretly. I mean, when was the last time you had in-depth conversations with your friends on your favorite masturbatory techniques? Or as an adolescent did your parents encourage you to self-pleasure to explore your budding sexuality? I doubt it. Which is a shame, because it would have made a positive difference to your experience of sex.

Download Audio: Own the Crone