The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!


#8: Neuroplasticity - Moulding Your Brain for Better Sex

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 27, 2010



It’s interesting to observe the participants of a retreat. 

As the days pass there’s an observable change in them, and they all report a significant change within themselves.

This is a great example of neuroplasticity - the brain changing its circuitry.

Given the opportunity for stillness and guided activities and reflection, the circuits of these people change quite rapidly.

This change in the brain allows for definite and continued positive change from that moment on.

I love the fact that brain researchers have proven this plasticity. Many years ago, as an undergraduate biochemistry student studying neuroscience, I was dismayed by the thinking of the day that the brain was simply a computer and the job of the scientist was to figure out what the bits were and how they interacted. I remember being scoffed at for suggesting it might be otherwise. So I didn’t pursue that line of study.


Now we know that the brain is a wonderful organic system that constantly changes and adapts to the inputs coming into it, throughout the whole life. So if your life is stressful and you input negative thoughts, your brain circuitry will reinforce and... read more


#7: Raise Your Sexual Energy

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Photo by Joshua Mcknight from Pexels

Believe it or not, I’m sitting at an outdoor bar, mocktail at hand, overlooking a beach fringed with palm trees in Vietnam. It’s pretty special.  Last week I attended a Spiritual Retreat here. While it wasn’t specifically sexual in nature, you can’t separate sex and spirituality.

A key element of spiritual work, and of the Retreat, is raising your energy. You do this through meditation and mindfulness. But it’s not what we often consider meditation, which is a slowing of energy, a deep relaxation. That’s wonderful and good, but it’s different to raising the energy. When you go into meditation with the intent to raise your energy, you go places. You feel lighter, spin faster. You get messages and have visions. It is an altered consciousness.

This is why conscious sex is so good for spiritual development, because sex raises your energy. Even if you have the most basic, unconnected sex, sparks of light will still fly. So if you approach sex with presence, intent and release of self, you really do get taken to extraordinary places of exceptional ecstatic pleasure.

In these realms the genitals barely matter, they’re just a means to feel with the whole of your... read more



#6: How To Consume An Ice-Cream - Lose Yourself in Pleasure Pt 2

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, March 19, 2010



Have you been practicing eating a peach? Savouring its juicy lushness…?

Have you found within you the ability to lose yourself in that peach, to taste, suck, lick and devour it with full sensory awareness and heightened arousal?

Well, hold that space and let’s take that a step further. We’re going to add some technique and look at how to consume an ice-cream.

(If you haven’t read my post on how to eat a peach, go back and read that first, you want to be in that space before continuing.)

The thing about enjoying a peach in that way is that it is all about you receiving the pleasure and sensation of the peach. This is what making love with someone should be like. Rather than focusing on what you’re doing to them, simply allow yourself to lose yourself in the pleasure you are receiving from being with them.

It’s pretty easy to do with a peach. You feel no obligation to the peach, you don’t care how the peach feels about you consuming it. It’s trickier to do with a person, most of us are concerned about how the other person is feeling about what we’re doing to or with them.

Strangely enough... read more



#5: How To Eat A Peach - Lose Yourself in Pleasure Pt 1

Jacqueline Hellyer - Friday, March 12, 2010



Sensuality is without a doubt a key element to great sex. Sensuality, intimacy, surrender, eroticism – all essential elements that don’t necessarily have anything to do with the genitals.

We have five senses which can constantly bring us delectable, luscious sensuous experiences. If we’re open to them.

Once we are, we can bring that awareness into our love-making – and make magic.

Let’s practice. Choose a peach, or any other other suitably juicy fruit such as a mango.

Pick up the fruit.-

First, look at it….then listen to it…..then smell it….touch it against your skin, cheek, forearm…then bite into it and taste it.

Really taste it.

Then bite again:

- feeling the peach flesh give as you bite down into it,

- feeling the juices release into your mouth,

- hearing the sound of the flesh give way,

- smelling the scent of the peach beneath your nose,

- tasting the sweet flavor of the peach consuming your mouth,

- seeing the pinkish orange of the raw... read more


#4: Love in the Time of Chaos

Jacqueline Hellyer - Thursday, February 25, 2010




There’s a great article I wrote for Men’s Health Magazine on Sex for Busy People.

I’m going to summarise it here, and if you want to read more download it here. Or buy my book“Sex Secrets for Busy People" from my bookshop and get the whole low-down!

Demands from the boss all day, pressures to achieve deadlines, squeeze in the gym, race home, deal with the kids, deal with the wife’s issues, check in on the internet, veg out for a TV show (if you’re lucky) , yeah yeah, help get the house ready for tomorrow, hope for a shag, into bed, roll over – and your wife’s asleep (or pretending).

Not a pretty scenario, not one that will lead to fantastic sex. What to do?

Follow these five steps to sex in the time of chaos:

 


1. Forget spontaneity!

This has got to be the biggest myth out there about sex, that it’s got to be spontaneous to be good. That’s like saying the best footy game or the best meal or the best party comes spontaneously! No. Everything good in life takes planning, focus and... read more


#3: A History of Sexual Misinformation

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, February 16, 2010



Why is our society so sexually screwed-up?

Basically, it’s because we’ve had two to three thousand years of sexual suppression.

During these millennia two very damaging myths have been held as truths in western society:

  1. That sex is a base, animalistic activity, as opposed to spiritual and ‘higher’ human endeavors; and
  2. That men are innately more sexual than women.
These myths have been so strong for so long, that they are still very much part of our communal psyche. It’s only in the last few decades that society has begun to shift on these myths, which is a relatively short time compared to how long those myths have been there, so progress on change is slow.

The first myth, that sex is a ‘low’, animalistic activity not a ‘high’ activity, has meant that sex has not been studied properly, has not been taught to our young people, has not been a topic of open discussion, and has not been considered a part of life that should be developed and enhanced.

This means that society’s knowledge of sex is very limited, and we are nowhere near achieving anything like our sexual potentials,... read more


#2: Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth

Jacqueline Hellyer - Thursday, January 28, 2010



Women and men have differences, sure, but we're not that different.

The most similar creature to Man is Woman, and the most similar creature to Woman is Man. We share about 99% of our DNA with chimpanzees, we share 60% of our DNA with fruit flies for goodness sake!

I get tired of people saying “women are such and such” and “men are such and such”.

If we lined all the men and women of the world up in a line from most to least [insert adjective] you'd often find a predominance of one sex at either end, but there would be a big overlap in the middle. That applies to size, strength, emotions, interests, libido...

Yes, the strongest people in the world are probably male, but there are a lot of women who are stronger than a lot of men.

Yes, probably there are more men at the highest end of raging libido, but you'll find women up there too, and plenty of men with no interest whatsoever.



Can We Ditch the Stereotypes Please!


Plenty of people are the opposite of what they... read more


#1: The birth of my Blog - with some underlying philosophical ramblings

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, January 05, 2010


I do believe there is a shift in society lately, whereby people are looking for something more meaningful in sex. Our sexuality is so fundamental to being human, and our society is so infantile when it comes to understanding and practising sex, that for a growing number of people there is a deep longing for sexual expression and experience that is richer and fulfilling.

To get there, we need to approach sex with a great deal more respect, with a great deal more intent and a great deal more commitment. We need to deepen connection and heighten eroticism, we need to feel comfortable enough to really open up and surrender to the experience - in whatever form of sex that might be. It's not all serious though! Great sex requires lightness and play, that's what leads to freedom.

Our bodies are exquisitely designed for sexual pleasure, our hearts and minds are capable of extraordinary sexual pleasure, and our souls yearn for that pleasure, as it gives us freedom, meaning and joy.

Was that poetic? I hope so, I want to put the poetry back into sex.  Not that I'm ignoring the raunch, I love a good bit of raunch, but there's enough... read more


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