The LoveLife Blog: guidance on mindful, bodyful, soulful loving!


#4: Love in the Time of Chaos

Jacqueline Hellyer - Thursday, February 25, 2010




There’s a great article I wrote for Men’s Health Magazine on Sex for Busy People.

I’m going to summarise it here, and if you want to read more download it here. Or buy my book“Sex Secrets for Busy People" from my bookshop and get the whole low-down!

Demands from the boss all day, pressures to achieve deadlines, squeeze in the gym, race home, deal with the kids, deal with the wife’s issues, check in on the internet, veg out for a TV show (if you’re lucky) , yeah yeah, help get the house ready for tomorrow, hope for a shag, into bed, roll over – and your wife’s asleep (or pretending).

Not a pretty scenario, not one that will lead to fantastic sex. What to do?

Follow these five steps to sex in the time of chaos:

 


1. Forget spontaneity!

This has got to be the biggest myth out there about sex, that it’s got to be spontaneous to be good. That’s like saying the best footy game or the best meal or the best party comes spontaneously! No. Everything good in life takes planning, focus and effort -... read more


#3: A History of Sexual Misinformation

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, February 16, 2010



Why is our society so sexually screwed-up?

Basically, it’s because we’ve had two to three thousand years of sexual suppression.

During these millennia two very damaging myths have been held as truths in western society:

  1. That sex is a base, animalistic activity, as opposed to spiritual and ‘higher’ human endeavors; and
  2. That men are innately more sexual than women.
These myths have been so strong for so long, that they are still very much part of our communal psyche. It’s only in the last few decades that society has begun to shift on these myths, which is a relatively short time compared to how long those myths have been there, so progress on change is slow.

The first myth, that sex is a ‘low’, animalistic activity not a ‘high’ activity, has meant that sex has not been studied properly, has not been taught to our young people, has not been a topic of open discussion, and has not been considered a part of life that should be developed and enhanced.

This means that society’s knowledge of sex is very limited, and we are nowhere near achieving anything like our sexual potentials,... read more


#2: Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth

Jacqueline Hellyer - Thursday, January 28, 2010

Women and men have differences, sure, but we're not that different.

The most similar creature to Man is Woman, and the most similar creature to Woman is Man. We share about 99% of our DNA with chimpanzees, we share 60% of our DNA with fruit flies for goodness sake!

I get tired of people saying “women are such and such” and “men are such and such”.

If we lined all the men and women of the world up in a line from most to least [insert adjective] you'd often find a predominance of one sex at either end, but there would be a big overlap in the middle. That applies to size, strength, emotions, interests, libido...

Yes, the strongest people in the world are probably male, but there are a lot of women who are stronger than a lot of men.

Yes, probably there are more men at the highest end of raging libido, but you'll find women up there too, and plenty of men with no interest whatsoever.



Can We Ditch the Stereotypes Please!

Plenty of people are the opposite of what they typically “should” be according to gender stereotypes:

  • There are women who are lousy communicators, and men who are brilliant at it;
  • There are... read more


#1: The birth of my Blog - with some underlying philosophical ramblings

Jacqueline Hellyer - Tuesday, January 05, 2010


I do believe there is a shift in society lately, whereby people are looking for something more meaningful in sex. Our sexuality is so fundamental to being human, and our society is so infantile when it comes to understanding and practising sex, that for a growing number of people there is a deep longing for sexual expression and experience that is richer and fulfilling.

To get there, we need to approach sex with a great deal more respect, with a great deal more intent and a great deal more commitment. We need to deepen connection and heighten eroticism, we need to feel comfortable enough to really open up and surrender to the experience - in whatever form of sex that might be. It's not all serious though! Great sex requires lightness and play, that's what leads to freedom.

Our bodies are exquisitely designed for sexual pleasure, our hearts and minds are capable of extraordinary sexual pleasure, and our souls yearn for that pleasure, as it gives us freedom, meaning and joy.

Was that poetic? I hope so, I want to put the poetry back into sex.  Not that I'm ignoring the raunch, I love a good bit of raunch, but there's enough... read more


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